i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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