So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize