1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.