i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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