I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
