woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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