i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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