you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
