It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
