Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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