I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
