just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
