Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My dick has a subreddit
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
