she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
