we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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