well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
