I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
