your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
