I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize