gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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