id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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