Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
