cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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