Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
