Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
