So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
