We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
