im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
