I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
