I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
