i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
