I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
