Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
