I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
operation have a gay friend backfired
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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