You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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