Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
