I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize