Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
