K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
