Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
