Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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