I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
