I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
