I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
