4 words: hood of his car
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
