some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
