First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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