my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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