dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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