She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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