So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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