I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
