im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
