How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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