Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
