woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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