I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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