why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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