Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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