Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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