hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The Olympian is in my bed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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