i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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