i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
