I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
