I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
