I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
