Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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