And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
