Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
