That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
there is puke in my bra ... again
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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