I can text with my tongue
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
