His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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