Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
