I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
