I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
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Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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