I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
