Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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