I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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